Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Dear Winter, YOU WIN!

Dear Winter,


I give up. And I know I'm not alone because all day my Facebook feed has been filled with desperate pleas from other mamas crying Please pray for me! I'm stuck at home with the kids AGAIN! Mothers of young ones everywhere are throwing in the towel and waving our white flags because you have BEAT US DOWN, Winter. We surrender!

Today it is 30 degrees outside. ICE and SNOW are falling from the sky. One child is lying sick on the couch and I can hear the wails of the other two as they beat on the bathroom door. I am cowering on the other side because I swear, I CANNOT TAKE ONE MORE DAY! I know we recently had the Best Snow Day Ever, but now  IT IS MARCH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! Isn't March supposed to bring sunshine and sidewalk chalk and bare toes? Instead I'm still playing tortuously long games of Candyland and dressing in layers.

You think we'd know better by this point. It always starts the same way. We celebrate the crisp, cool breezes of fall as a welcome respite from the humid summer. We unpack our boots and Instagram our pumpkin lattes. We bundle up in December and happily hum carols because it's just not Christmas without Jack Frost nippin' at your nose. We are such fools.  

As soon as January 1st comes around, so do the winter doldrums. And we have been doldrummed to a pulp. We have been to 532 story times. We have broken up 876 fights. We have said "cover your mouth when you cough" 2439 times. If we have to wipe one more runny nose or watch one more episode of Caillou, we may just march ourselves outside and lay in the frozen street and wait for the snow plow. I imagine that George Washington must have faced similar despair as he camped at Valley Forge. Our situations are almost identical. I bet his soldiers whined a lot too.

Winter, we are tired. We are SO TIRED. We have LOST ALL THE BATTLES and you have WON THE WAR. 

We have lost the Battle of Overcoat. Everyday, EVERYDAY this winter I have responsibly insisted that my children wear coats before we brave the frigid temperatures and everyday, EVERYDAY I have the same conversation: 

"I don't wanna wear a cooooat!" 

"Sweetie, it's freezing cold outside. Look, you can see your breath!"

"But I'm not cooooold! Batman never wears a coat!" 

"Of course Batman wears a coat! When it gets really cold Batman has a special Batcoat he wears so that he can walk around outside without whining to his Mommy about how cold he is."

"Ok. But I don't want my coat. I want a BATCOAT!!"

So fine. About a month ago I gave up. You wanna freeze, kids? Fine, go ahead and freeze! Of course, now I'm met with disapproving frowns from strangers as I drag my coatless children the 30 feet it takes to get them from the heated car to the heated store. "Moooommy! We're COOOOOLD!! WE'RE SO COOOLD!" they wail. "TOUGH!" I bark, "KEEP MOVING!" The strangers shake their heads. I suppose it doesn't help that the baby doesn't have a coat either. She owns one light jacket and one snowsuit and when the weather isn't appropriate for either, I just wrap her up in a blanket and make do. Third child problems, you know.  

We have succumbed to the Great Germ Invasion. Sure, last fall I was all about hand sanitizer and flu shots and vitamins, but then we all ended up getting the flu anyway and sanitizing took too much effort and Henry broke into the Gummi Vites and ate up half the jar. We have spent a small fortune in tissues. My children's noses are a constant stream of mucus. I have dreams about snot. I suppose if they started wearing their coats their noses might not drip so profusely, but sadly that battle has already been lost. 
Proof of my desperation:
Today I took my coatless, snotty-nosed kids to a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut for lunch.
Dressed like this. Yes, my oldest is wearing underwear over his pants. 
We have given up the Quest for Entertaining Indoor Activities That Do Not Include Electronics. We started out making coffee filter snowflakes and shaving cream snowmen. We baked cookies and whipped up some snowcream. We colored, glued, finger painted, and crafted. And that got us to mid-January.

On the upside, my 2-year-old is now a whiz on the iPad and my 4-year-old has totally mastered the DVR. Even the baby loves the iPhone, or at least the iPhone cord.

So Winter, you win. You have brought us to our knees and we are begging for mercy. And you know what? This mama can't take it anymore. I am packing our bags and next week we are headed to sunny Florida!!! And I have a message for you, Winter. You may have beat me down, but if you follow us to Florida I will HUNT YOU DOWN. I will HUNT YOU DOWN and then I will SIC MY KIDS ON YOU!! I guarantee you, after 57 games of Candyland-With-Made-Up-Rules you will crack! You will be BEGGING for Spring to come and take your place!!

So Winter, I concede, you win. Now let's go our separate ways and part as friends.

Until we meet again,

Stir Crazy Mama

1 comment:

  1. This is pure poetry that speaks straight to my heart. Hang in there Mama.